Who is my first love? That is a question many people might ask themselves.
For several days I have been feeling those words resonate in my spirit. “It’s time to return to your first love.” Coming from the scriptures; I know my first love is my Heavenly Father (Abba). Yes, I’m talking about the God of Abraham, Isaac, Jacob and us.
Jeremiah 1:5 King James Version (KJV)
5 Before I formed thee in the belly I knew thee; and before thou camest forth out of the womb I sanctified thee, and I ordained thee a prophet unto the nations.
Isaiah 44 King James Version (KJV)
44 Yet now hear, O Jacob my servant; and Israel, whom I have chosen:
2 Thus saith the Lord that made thee, and formed thee from the womb, which will help thee; Fear not, O Jacob, my servant; and thou, Jesurun, whom I have chosen.
From the scriptures above, I know some one loved me so much they couldn’t keep their eyes off me. Abba looked and watched over me and you. Even in the dark womb of our mother’s bellies, he watched and molded us.
Isaiah 49:15 English Standard Version (ESV)
15 “Can a woman forget her nursing child,
that she should have no compassion on the son of her womb?
Even these may forget,
yet I will not forget you.
Wow, our God and father also let us know that even some mothers don’t love their children and forget them, but he will never do that to us. This type of love is unimaginable to me. Wow!
Romans 8:38-39 King James Version (KJV)
38 For I am persuaded, that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come,
39 Nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.
Look, look. It gets even better, nothing can separate us from our Father’s love. If all of this is true; why do we feel unloved. One of the reasons we feel unloved is not because God has left us, but because we have left him. We already saw that NOTHING can separate us from God. So the problem has to be with us.
I will let you in on a little of my life. From since I was a child, it was difficult to love. Not because I couldn’t love, but because people hurt me so much. When I was a child; I used to be picked on a lot. I was what people called a nerd. I would spend so much time in the closet by myself and read science books. I was curious, so I wanted to learn. I’d put my curiosity for knowledge over play and fun. I did play at times though, not a lot. I would be on the President’s Honor roll and enjoy it. I didn’t like following people. I liked to lead. Over the span of my life; I have been used and hurt by people. I have used and hurt people also. My trust in people were very low. It is God’s intent to have us working with others and trusting someone else.
I’ve put my trust in people and they have taken advantage of me so much that over time; my trust in people started to dwindle. I got to the point, I had to do things on my own. After being forced to do things on my own for so long; I wanted to do them on my own. I got to the point where I preferred to do things on my own. I was able to make goals and stick to them. I could plan and do all it took to make it happen. I didn’t have to include others weakness. I didn’t have to encourage anyone to keep going. I did it myself and encouraged myself. I kept my eyes on my goal. I still loved giving to people and helping people, but my patience was short. I focused until I became successful. My motto was,” if you didn’t add to me, you were insignificant.”
First my dad let me down. I couldn’t trust my dad. Then my siblings would pick at me. The kids in school would make fun of me because I would properly pronounce words. One of the big things classmates would make fun of me was the word, yes. I would sound out the whole word. I didn’t say, “yep, um huh, yeah” or any other derivative of yes. When I was in my twenties, I went into a relationship. I was used for thirteen years in that relationship. I didn’t really know what it felt like for someone other than my mom to love me.
The problem was I’d correlate the way others treated me with God. God gave everyone free will. A person can treat another person however they feel like. How people treated me has nothing to do with how God loves me and even you. We are not to place our perfect God in the same class as imperfect people. When I got saved in my thirties; I had to learn to love and receive love. It was like, I was a baby all over again. I had to get back to the basics. Maybe it is time for you to get back to the basics. Maybe it’s time for you to become child-like with God, again.
Maybe you’re saying, I don’t even know how I got to this site because you’re not a believer in Jesus Christ or God. Well, guess what. You are not here by accident. Just because you haven’t accepted God; it doesn’t mean that he does not love you. He wants you to come as you are. Think about it this way. You had a mother, who gave birth to you. You believe your mom didn’t do a good enough job of taking care of you. So, you decided when you were still a child to divorce your mom. You are now emancipated from your mom. When you get older and are sick, you need an organ. You’re the only child and your dad is not there. The only option is your mom, who is a match. When you got emancipated (divorced) from your mom; did it mean you no longer have her genetic make up. No, it does not mean your genetics change because you left. Your mom is still your mom.
Just because you don’t remember God before you were born; it has nothing to do with him. Your parents were atheists and everyone you know is an atheists. That has nothing to do with who God is and how he is. Before you loved your parents or guardians. Before you loved your spouse. Even before you loved your kids; you loved someone else. And the same God who will never leave us, even when we leave him. The same God who made sure he watched us, when we didn’t even glance his way. He is the same God who is whispering right now.
“I love you and miss you. Come back to me. Come back home”
GOD
