Before I started writing this post, I went back to read one of my other posts about trust. I have been leaning on God for several years now. God have asked me to trust in him in all things.
Well, after several years now being saved and Holy Spirit filled; flesh still fights against the Spirit. Do to the fact that I have been self reliant for such a long time, I found that I struggled daily with trust and patience. Just to let you know that patience (waiting on God) is part of trusting him. Now I was not always that way. When I was younger, I use to lean on people. I was great on leaning and trusting my mom, but not anyone else. I came to the realization when I was still in my teens that I could only trust my mom. Mom and I had issues and some difficulties but she knew I would not leave her by choice and she would do the same. When she needed something I would work even harder to get it and she would do hair and other things for me.
It was obvious that when I became a registered nurse, I would try and give her it all. I depended on my mom to take care of my daughter and cook. She depended on me for large financial issues, like our home and traveling around. It came a point in my life that I was not expecting so soon. It was losing my mom and not leaning on her anymore, became I harsh reality. It was not by choice to not lean on others. It just became transparent over many years of excuses and no’s, that people were not for me. The fact that I didn’t lean on people did not affect me helping people. I loved helping people. It felt like that was what I was born to do.
When my love left, it felt like I had no one. I felt alone and empty. I am a very visual person. I like seeing people when I talk to them. After several years, I was lead to the Lord Jesus Christ. I knew the Lord from before but I fell away over the years. I got caught up in life. I had no one left in my mind so I accepted the Lord wholeheartedly. I prayed and fasted and loved on God, and God loved on me.
I remember the night when he told me audibly,” I got your back.” God told me welcome home and he missed me. I felt a love I could not even explain. There is something about God. God prefers growth in him. He will not force you, but he encourages you. When God said, he got my back, it meant that he wants me to trust him. I found out that the mistrust over 34 years had an affect on me. All of the rejections and disappointments planted seeds in me, that God had to get out. Of course, I did not know it at the time but it was going to be a long process. I did not go to God first in situations. I tried to fix the situations myself; which caused more damage than good.
Not only did God ask me to trust him; he also wanted me to be patient in trusting him. Patience, patience, patience…hmm well that was a major issue for me. I was use to a motto. If you want something, then work hard and get it. Many times we want something and the time might not be at that moment. That really urcked me about God. I told God that I trust him in every area of my life. All I felt was that was a lie. I was horrible with patience. To top it off, God asked me to work with other people. It felt like I was cut with a deep wound with just having patience. Then salt was added to it by working with unreliable, flaky and slow people. God would always bring up scriptures where working with people were important.
Matthew 18:20-22 King James Version (KJV)
20 For where two or three are gathered together in my name, there am I in the midst of them.
Hebrews 10:25 King James Version (KJV)
25 Not forsaking the assembling of ourselves together, as the manner of some is; but exhorting one another: and so much the more, as ye see the day approaching.
Deuteronomy 32:30-43 King James Version (KJV)
30 How should one chase a thousand, and two put ten thousand to flight, except their Rock had sold them, and the Lord had shut them up?
1 Corinthians 12:21-27 New International Version (NIV)
21 The eye cannot say to the hand, “I don’t need you!” And the head cannot say to the feet, “I don’t need you!” 22 On the contrary, those parts of the body that seem to be weaker are indispensable, 23 and the parts that we think are less honorable we treat with special honor. And the parts that are unpresentable are treated with special modesty,24 while our presentable parts need no special treatment. But God has put the body together, giving greater honor to the parts that lacked it,25 so that there should be no division in the body, but that its parts should have equal concern for each other. 26 If one part suffers, every part suffers with it; if one part is honored, every part rejoices with it.
27 Now you are the body of Christ, and each one of you is a part of it.
I had to go to God to get the self reliant me out. It was and is difficult. One of the first things I’m tempted to do when God asks me to work with someone and the person is not dependable, is be self reliant again. I have to constantly remind myself that God’s got this. I don’t have to do everything myself. I know people struggle with all kinds of things. I have just exposed something I struggled with and have to remind myself daily. I value time so much that when I feel like a person is wasting mine; I am ready to walk away without even thinking twice about it. We have to remind ourselves daily that God loves us even with our struggles. He wants to deliver us from them. He wants us to be uninhibitedly freeto love him with all our heart, mind soul and strength.
Time to get rid of all our inhibitions and love our Heavenly Father fully.
